Summary:

Conflict is normal and not necessarily a bad thing.

Know your conflict management style and work on its strengths and weaknesses.
Adopt multiple styles to ensure you have the right style for the right situation.

Be it leader or leader-to be, the way that you handle conflict can be a critical deal breaker in helping you to get your projects over the line. So, do you know your conflict management style, and why is knowing it important?

The term conflict management is often associated with a negative connotation, but a well-managed conflict can in fact result in more productive work processes, better communication, and a more aligned team.

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, so it helps to understand the strengths – and shortcomings - of your conflict management style. In most cases, you may need to adopt multiple styles to ensure you have an appropriate response for different situations.

This is particularly important for managers or leaders, says Charlene Yong, Engagement Director at Decode HR.

“An essential part of being a good leader is understanding that there will always be incompatibilities or disagreements that arise from different perspectives, needs and goals because everyone is different. As conflicts in the workplace are a natural part of an organisation, it is worthwhile exploring ways of understanding these differences - in terms of personalities and preferences – and how best to resolve them.”

“For managers or leaders, it is good to understand and adapt to these differences when resolving conflicts,” adds Charlene. “For example, an introvert would prefer to “avoid” talking about a conflict situation compared to an extrovert who would prefer to address the issue when it arises. There is no right or wrong in this situation. It is a matter of preference. A skilled manager will be able to recognise these preferences and find the most appropriate conflict resolution strategy.”

Like any part of human interaction, conflicts are complex and have multiple underlying causes in mixed-motive situations [1]. For instance, a seemingly simple conflict between two footballers on who should take a game-winning shot can be attributed to the actualisation of their needs using both competition and cooperation. This reflects the competition between peers for personal accomplishment and the cooperation within the team to have the better striker score the game-winning goal.

To better understand how to deal with conflict, it helps to categorise and simplify the types of conflict. Some psychologists narrow them down into three main types. Task conflicts are opinion-driven disagreements, where individuals with differing views clash. Process conflicts are somewhat similar but reflect differences in how tasks should be accomplished. Lastly, relationship conflicts are those that arise from interpersonal interactions.

After determining the type and root cause of a conflict, you can better ascertain if your management style is appropriate and if it will be effective.

“Each person may deal with a similar conflict differently depending on the knowledge they have acquired, the experiences they have had, and how they deal with situations. Even if the pretext is the same, the response, conflict management style and approach may be different,” says Charlene, who completed a Masters in Guidance and Counselling at James Cook University.

Most individuals tend to stick to one or two methods of conflict management, depending on their personality type [2]. One conflict model that has remained practical and relevant is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument or TKI [3]. It narrows conflict management into five main styles: competing, accommodating, compromising, collaborating, and avoiding.

How do you determine the best way to handle a conflict? Here are some points to consider before choosing an appropriate conflict management style.

Questions to ask yourself:

What are the consequences?

The competing style takes a firm stance and sees conflict resolution as win-lose scenarios. There may be instances where the conflicting party is unwilling to make demands or prefers to defer to you for the solution. In these cases, adopting a competing style would effectively drive negotiations forward toward closure [4]. This approach may also be appropriate when you have to stand up for your beliefs, make a quick decision, or push others to get on board with something. Regardless, it is important to consider the consequences – both positive and negative – before adopting the competing style.

How much do you value the opposing party or the issue at hand?

If you do not wish to jeopardise your relationship with the conflicting party, or if the issue is of less significance to you, the accommodating style may be the best choice. While it may be beneficial to defer to the interests of others at times, there may be situations where you stand to gain more by expressing your needs and concerns. Accommodators are not simply pushovers. They understand that they may gain more by giving in to the conflicting party. People who employ this approach work well in customer-facing roles, where accommodating an unruly individual can sometimes make work easier and less abrasive for all.

Can you try to find middle ground?

Proponents of the compromising style tend to resolve conflict by initiating solutions that are fair for all parties. In some situations, you may choose to take a loss to move past the point of contention. For minor issues, like choosing what to eat for dinner, the compromising style works well and ensures you move past disagreements quickly. In more complex situations, these solutions may not be practical or dive deep enough to resolve an issue at its root. This style usually leaves people partially satisfied. However, compromising is appropriate when it is more crucial to come to a decision than to have the perfect solution.

How prepared are you to go the extra mile?

Using the collaborative style of conflict-resolution often sees you trying to understand the needs of others, while expressing your own. It requires time and energy. You need to be in control of your emotions and manage them before they spill over. Most importantly, you see value in the relationship and recognise the importance of finding a solution that satisfies both parties. This approach helps to foster an effective long-term partnership [5].

Would it be better to skip the conflict altogether?

Conflict can be uncomfortable, and some may prefer to ignore it, or evade it in some way. Instead of facing a potential flashpoint, you may choose not to bring up sensitive topics, or you may reassign the conflicting parties. While this provides time for people to calm down and gain some perspective, avoidance is a temporary solution, and even trivial issues possess escalation potential. Unless the conflicting party is unpredictable or you will not interact with them again, this may not always be the best course of action.

Hone your style

Conflict is unavoidable. Developing strong conflict management skills will enable you to resolve workplace disputes swiftly and amicably. Each conflict style brings its own potential pitfalls but knowing your style enhances your self-awareness. This allows you to strategize your thought process and work toward your goals in a more thoughtful manner. Observe how your role models deal with differences and, if you currently focus on one style, you may wish to consider an alternative so that you can handle different scenarios more effectively. In selecting a style to learn, you may also wish to take stock of yourself and push for a style that will enable you to develop new skills.

Just remember that conflict management is as much nature as it is nurture [6]. Consult a mentor or a professional for advice if you run into strong headwinds.

Reach out to us to find out more about coaching and leadership development.